An Bui, Spelled An With 1 N

About a year ago, Richard Thompson Ford published The Race Card: How Bluffing About Bias Makes Race Relations Worse. It’s definitely worth reading and thinking about. Ford makes the distinction that accusations of racial discrimination (1) distracts from serious racial injustices, and (2) confuses social conflict with bigotry, diminishing the meaning behind charges of bigotry. 

This morning, I read an article, “Pretty Women Can Be Hard to be Friends With” that got me thinking about Ford again:

That stuff made me feel terrible most of the time and I don’t want anyone knowing what that’s like. Instead, I try to be kind to every person, regardless of how popular/attractive/smart they are, and not be a brownnoser, ever.

It’s striking to me, though, how not being a kiss-up has ruined my friendships with some very pretty women. In fact, my only friendship Titanics have happened when I’ve stood up to extraordinarily beautiful women and lost out. “The Pretty Girl” wanted me to play by her rules; I didn’t want to do it, so Pretty Girl read me the friendship riot act and ditched me. Forever.

Um, REALLY?!? The author offers up only anecdotal evidence. Correlation does not imply causation and statements such as these only serve to reinforce stereotypes. After I read the article, I realized that sometimes, people act entitled, are rude, self absorbed or narcissistic. 

Why be friends with people who treat you badly? Each individual can only control him or herself, not anyone else. Just flip the bit and get rid of those who don’t add to your life. If Ms. Pretty treats people poorly and you don’t tolerate it, you don’t need to have Ms. Pretty in your life. That’s ok. Those who allow Ms. Pretty to treat them terribly - that’s their choice. It doesn’t affect you. 

Focusing on looks detracts from the actual problem - rude behavior. It’s not about the pretty. Focusing on the superficial detracts from the actual substantive issue at hand.

It’s fall - delicious apples (and apple cider doughnuts!), changing leaves, football, and of course, college admissions season. 

If you’re thinking “no duh, An” I wouldn’t blame you.

After my years of test prep and admissions consulting, I can’t stop myself from offering advice at this time of year. Of course, this is free advice - take it or leave it as such. To everyone in the admissions process - good luck. It’s a process that you should try to enjoy. As much as it’s about getting into college, it’s also about selecting the right university and educational experience FOR YOU. 

Yes, it’s about YOU.

1. Take some time to think about the essay questions before you start writing. My little brother said it best:

College applications aren’t hard, it’s the “Who are you?”, “Why are you great?” and “What experiences make you special?” essays.

The key to a successful application really is communicating those answers to college admissions committees. However, it’s important that you also think about what YOU think makes you great and what experiences make you special. If you’re a senior, you pretty much have achieved everything you can to get into college at this point. If you think you can benefit from taking another year off before college, do so. CAVEAT: BE PRODUCTIVE

Do NOT take a year off to live on your parents’ couch. Take a year off and do something meaningful. Find a cause, a goal, or a mission and work towards making your vision a reality. If you aren’t successful in a year (yes, world hunger is not a problem that can be solved in a year), think about how to communicate the progress you’ve made and the lessons you’ve learned. 

Colleges want interesting, thoughtful members of the community. This is especially true of smaller schools. Heck, I’m not in college anymore and I love knowing interesting, thoughtful people. You already are interesting and thoughtful - demonstrate it with storytelling in your essays.

2. Study for those standardized tests. They don’t measure your intelligence, they don’t predict success in college, they have their own biases… BUT standardized test scores are one area in which you can put your best foot forward in the small amount of time you have before applications are due. It’s not too late for seniors to register for the December SAT. I know you’re busy. You have a life, a job, homework, sports practice… but seriously. For only a month and a half or so, focusing on the SAT or ACT to get your scores up may result in admissions to your top choice college and opportunities for scholarships. It’s one of the most high impact things you can do if you’re applying for admissions next fall.

Take a look at PrepMe - I’m not getting paid to recommend them - I just think it’s a great program. PrepMe achieves statistically significant score improvements if you do the work at a fraction of the cost of other tutoring programs. With tutors from the University of Chicago and Stanford who are available 24/7 via email and live chat, it’s college prep on your schedule. Make it a priority to study - you’ll be glad you did when scores come back!

3. Take some time to BREATHE. Everyone who knows me probably thinks this is ironic, but I’m being completely serious. Make sure you spend a little time doing something for yourself, to keep in mind what your goals and motivations are for applying to college. If it’s expected by your parents and teachers, why? What potential do you have that they see? How have you been and will you be continuing to contribute to your community and the greater world around you? If you want to go to college for the intellectual development, to satisfy your need to learn, or any other number of valid reasons, keep them top of mind. If you focus on your values and getting one step closer to them, you’ll be successful no matter where you choose to go. 

Paulo Coehlo’s The Alchemist is a quick, short fable about following your dreams. I recommend buying it and reading it - it’s a book that is simple in message but very thought provoking. 

This is a big year for everyone applying for the next steps in their educations. It’s a time to enjoy the process and realize that you’re going to learn about yourself, if you open yourself up to the process in a thoughtful manner. 

ps - for food p0rn, take a look at my Posterous.